The Lies She Believed
It has been just under five years that we have walked alongside a young woman as she has navigated life without the steady presence of her father. During this time, we have watched her grow, share milestones, and find emotional stability in a community where she felt safe enough to share the truth of her story.
In very subtle but clear ways, she expressed the hope for reconciliation with her father. She believed in the few-and-far-between moments of sobriety that he would recognize his daughter’s need for him. But, his death last year ended that hope. Instead, the emotional fragmentation from her fatherless childhood only continued into her young adult life. Every meeting we had with her after his death was filled with the finality of his loss.
She started to retreat, to share less, to disappear. Her grades dropped, she missed sessions and stopped showing up. We knew things were not ok. She was not ok. We knew this young woman needed time and space, so we prayed for her as she tried to piece together the reality of her life.
When she came back around, after a few weeks, she apologized profusely for struggling so much with her father’s death, expressing remorse for "being a waste of resources and a disappointment" to us. She believed her "existence was a burden", asking if she could still be a part of ReWritten, though, she "didn’t deserve to". This is what she believed. This is the depth of shame that a father’s void creates.
These are the lies of fatherlessness.
A lie so painful it tells young women they do not deserve unconditional love, the kind that is willing to dive into the shameful depths of despair and sit with them, help them, go back for them.
But, that’s exactly what we did. We sat with her in the deafening hurt she was experiencing. We faced the lies with words of encouragement and prayers about the truth of God’s love for His daughter. No punishment, no reprimand, no withdrawal from relationship. Just presence in the silence.
She is still in school, she is still learning and she is still showing up. As we continue into our fifth year with her, we do so more aware of the burdens she carries and hopeful for the continued restoration of the many pieces she feels shattered into.
Walking with fatherless youth, whose struggles are often overlooked because of how, quietly, shame presents itself, takes time. It requires consistent mentorship. The kind that anchors young people when their worlds are falling apart. Our Christ-centered mentoring reminds them that there is a Father who will not retreat when the fatherlessness of their lives is trying so hard to break them down.
That is what your support allows us to do. To show up. To stay. And, to make it possible for struggling youth to hear yes when they reach out for help.
